the Silent Retreat

I've always thought it would be a great experience to go to one of those 'Silent Retreats'.
A place to ponder in silence the wonder of life, my journey, and to hear the still small voice.
God had other plans.

18 months ago I was on my 'last' group coaching call when I knew I was dying. I hung up the phone and collapsed. If you've read my Angel post, you know what happened next. Since that day I have silently watched as it appeared that my life as I'd known it was being erased. There was nothing to say and nothing I could do. I was taken hostage by the system that told me I was disabled and would never work again. I had to face a life of dependence, limitation, and uselessness. In the measure of a lifetime, 18 months is not very long. When one is waiting for someone else to determine the rest of your life, it's an eternity.

I had to let go of my dreams, my ambition, my identity. I waited in the silence. I could not believe that that was God's plan for me, but I had to go through the process. Finally this past month I was notified that my application (and numerous appeals) have been denied. It was so strange to be furious with the 'system' that runs amok in it's own power, and yet so relieved. I believe that God ultimately made the decision. Too many people have been praying for me to believe otherwise.

So here I am surrounded by my angel feathers, having let go of everything, starting all over again.
I get to choose who I want to be now. I'm not sure yet exactly what doors will open. I do know I have a message and a gift. And I've been given another chance to create a future that is productive and abundant.

I am here. I am back. I am ready to work.